It's been a year. One year since a life was taken too soon. Losing a sibling is nothing I like I could have imagined. I literally feel like a part of me is missing. She was my baby sister. She lived a wonderful life, surrounded by love and joyful moments.
Losing someone you love is different every time. Losing my mom and my sister felt different. Losing my pup, Glasgow, felt like something else. All combined, it's no wonder my emotional eating took over.
It's no wonder I felt absent for most of 2018. I was basically going through the motions most of the year. But, there is something interesting that happens when you go through the motions of practicing gratitude. Incorporating this practice into my daily life has truly changed me. It's something every successful person I have heard speak does. Being grateful for what you have isn't always easy. Sometimes you have to dig deep, but there is always something.
I am grateful for the memories I have with Rachael. And now when I see the butterflies, I know that she is near.
Another thing I did nearly every day of 2018 was workout. In January 2018 I started an 80 day program. It was tough! The nutrition was tough... the workouts were long... I was sore all the time... it lasted 80 days. It was the Monday after Rachael passed away that I started the program. There were days that I screamed and cried trying to push through. I just knew I had to do it for her, because she couldn't. When you have that sort of motivation you can push through!
Just the other day a wave of grief came over me. I believe it was the anniversary of the day she found out the doctors could not do anything more from her. I pushed through... That's what I do.
We are all faced with events that slap us in the face! It's our reaction to the event that matters! Do we allow ourselves to live in misery and stop our lives because something like this happens? No! We must keep living... I believe we are here to share our gifts... if you are still here - you need to share them!
Not every day is a good day... but I do try to find the good in every day... that's where the practice of gratitude comes into play! That's why it matters. I now have more good days than bad... but you can bet I had the worst days of my life so far in 2018.
Grief is an interesting thing I have learned. So is depression. I clearly did not have the normal symptoms of depression and my therapists - (yes plural) see that, but as I said earlier I was going through the motions... so they saw I needed more.
If you are grieving - don't do it alone. Find support. Go to therapy. I understand at times you may want to be alone, but always remember you don't have to be!
Peace, Love, Happiness - Kimberly