We continue to explore Niyc Pidgeon's book - Now is Your Chance - A 30 Day Guide to Living Your Happiest Life Using Positive Psychology.
Here are my notes and thoughts from her book on Week Two.
WEEK 2 - Your Mind
Happiness is a state of mind and something you choose every day!
Day 8 - Don’t be a bottle be a sieve
Be vulnerable. It can be difficult to be vulnerable.
We sometimes believe we need to bottle it up and that no one wants to hear about our Shish.
BUT - we are all humans and we should all be here to help one another.
We should always support each other.
Struggle Manifests for Greater Good.
The Journey to creating a happier life may not always be easy. You may want to give up. But when you make the choice to allow an experience to flow through you instead of consuming you can begin to understand the struggle of speaking up.
Choose to change the things you can control and let go of the things you can’t.
Focus on the now! This is where you will find your strength.
Use the tools to guide you and you will never quit.
#nowisyourchance - Learning to share
Self inquiry exercise - Self expression is a work in progress
What negative thoughts are going on and on and around in your head?
What do you want to share? Who can you share with in a safe space?
Allow your emotions.
Notice the thoughts going on in your head without judging them. Allow them to come in and leave. Just as they teach in mediation practice.
Similarly with experiences you can practice non-attachment by thinking all things are temporary and this will also pass. This will allow you to live more in the moment.
#nowisyourchance - Express your truth
Affirmation - “As I share my truth I empower others to express themselves and heal both myself and them”
Niyc Notes: Storytelling
Painful story - how could you share it? - So others to see how you made it through. This allows others to hear you.
We are gifted with hard times that we may not be able to see at the time, but we can learn from later.
It’s a daily struggle for me to work on negative thoughts. But with practice they leave a lot faster. Our mean girl is there to make sure we remember her even when we are trying to work hard on optimizing our life. Sharing my grief journey has helped me overcome it faster. I hope that others have found inspiration by the fact that I have continued to move forward despite the hard times I had. I have learned from them. I am finding new ground and I am learning about myself.
Day 9 - Oh well, don’t dwell
Did you know that most of the turmoil we experience is simply an illusion created in the mind?
Getting out of victim mode requires an extra sense of awareness and self-love.
The key to moving forward with peace requires forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a process we intentionally take to change our feelings for someone or something we have negative emotions towards. Interestingly, this person is often ourselves.
Self-forgiveness and letting go of past mistakes and negative thoughts is vitally important to promote our psychological health.
If you pause for a moment and recognize the hurtful thoughts as things you powerfully created inside your mind, being about you RATHEN THAN actually being you, you will realize you have the power to let go of what is causing you hurt.
Studies into the power of forgiveness show that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, condoning, or excusing. The goal of forgiveness is not always reconciliation - rather - forgiveness is something you do for yourself to reduce the level of psychological distress through the release of toxic negative emotions.
It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate - it is indifference. It takes energy to love and to hate - but the direction of the energy is different.
The negative energy and emotion you put into holding onto anger or resentment can cause MAJOR negative health outcomes over time. While the OTHER person suffers no more ill effects. By not forgiving you allow yourself to be victimized all over again!
Forgiveness can give you your power back!
Life will always challenge us, but the more you practice the art of self-forgiveness, the easier it gets.
#nowisyourchance - Forgiveness Affirmation
Choose the one that feels true to you and say it when you need to forgive yourself or others.
“I know that as I forgive others and myself I expand into the next highest version of me.”
“Forgiveness allows me to access more joy and enables me to grow.”
“As I chose to let go of this negative feeling I empower myself to move forward with more strength and ease.”
You can write them down. Fill a notebook page. Put it on a sticky note! Commit it to memory.
Forgiveness creates an instant shift and allows you to let go.
#nowisyourchance - Letter of Forgiveness
Write a letter to someone you are in conflict with or shown resentment towards. This person could be from your past or it could be yourself. How is holding onto this helping you? Set the intention to release your pain. Breathe in new light energy and breathe out the pain and emotion and see it float away and disappear.
This is releasing you… not them.
Forgiveness is an ongoing practice.
Let go of blame -and move into the now.
Years ago I decided to stop hating people and became indifferent to them. Hate IS just as powerful as love and takes energy - negative energy to fuel. Why not let go for your sake? I have and it has made a difference for me.
Day 10 - Mindset Makeover
You know those days when we struggle to get out of bed after hitting snooze for 10 times and then can’t find keys, or shoes or whatever? We all have them.
It’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you deal with it.
Fixed Mindset - see things in black and white. If something goes wrong there is no way of getting away from it. Easiest way to notice if you are falling into a fixed mindset is to be aware if you start to get defensive or feel resistance.
Growth Mindset - supports happiness, growth and achievement. Focuses on the journey as well as the outcome. You don’t always need to be right.
Niyc Notes - What can I learn from this?
Fixed Mindset - makes us feel insecure and less confident - especially relating to doing things as well as others
Growth Mindset - is where we see what others are doing and realize what it took to get them there.
#nowisyourchance - Shift Your Mindset
When choosing to change the way you think, you are naturally required to take a new level of awareness.
Ask yourself these questions.
Where can you notice you have fallen into a fixed mindset before?
Where have you given up when things have become difficult?
Where have you told yourself you are not intelligent or talented enough?
Where have you made a mistake or failed at something and noticed yourself telling yourself you were no good?
Where could you choose to take a growth approach to something you are currently finding challenging?
Where have you focused on making more effort in order to create results?
Where can you consciously choose to accept criticism graciously?
Where can you identify a challenge, a struggle or goal or something that is hard and find gratitude in the process?
Niyc Notes: Think about all the different lotions and potions you might have applied to yourself in the hopes that they would make you look younger or more feminine or prettier, what if you dedicated the same time care and attention to creating a growth mindset. Imagine investing that on your insides. What would be possible?
When I first learned about growth and fixed mindset my mindset was definitely fixed! Even though I loved learning, I had such a fixed mindset about so many things. Since I have become aware of that, I have worked on making sure my mindset is a growth mindset… I imagine the possibilities.
Day 11 - Be Fierce
Fears! They can be challenging to overcome, but we have to in order to continue to grow.
It doesn’t have to be scary - once you name it, claim it and move through it.
We have around 60,000 thoughts per day! Around 95% are the same and up to 80% can be negative! Over time these thoughts form into patterns of beliefs. The brain is programmed to protect us from danger. The brain will also opt for what is familiar and comfortable over change. When it senses change, the brain produces fearful “What IF” thoughts that can keep us stuck.
If you have been telling yourself for years Money is difficult to create - you will continue to experience that. (Me..)
When we feel stressed our old negative beliefs, that have been strengthened over time, are easy to revert too.
It’s inevitable that we will all face experiences that will test us. The trick is knowing what the fear is so we can deal with it. Fears are indicators that something magical is about to happen. Your fear is a projection of what might be instead of what actually is.
You weren’t created to give up on yourself - If it scares you Awesome!
#nowisyourchance - Overcoming Fear
1 - tune in to where in your life you feel stuck or desire a breakthrough
2 - notice where you have told yourself it’s impossible to reach a goal
3 - ask yourself what specifically you fear
4 - ask yourself which part of the fear can you influence
5 - consider which part you have no control over at all - you can’t change the past! Why are you allowing the past to control your future?
Niyc Notes: Tools of Titans - Tim Ferriss
Exercise - involves examining your limiting beliefs in the past, present and future
30 minutes process
Eye closed - visualize the impact of your limiting beliefs on your past - how they are affecting you now and what they are costing your future.
Choose three new beliefs and write them down and imagine the trajectory of your life when you live with these affirmations every day.
#nowisyourchance - Creating a new reality
Replace limiting beliefs with new positive ones
Write out new powerful affirmations and place them somewhere you can see everyday.
You have to choose… is it fear? Or is your strength and drive for something more?
Fear has controlled my life before as well. Right now I am super fearful of what is to come but I am also reminding myself I will be ok.
Day 12 - Make choices not excuses
You are your own problem AND your own solution!
When you own yourself and your choices you empower yourself!
Quick decision making. Make a quick decision, it’s not the decision that matters. Then you can identify if the decision was correct and adjust your actions accordingly.
Look at your entire journey as a learning opportunity. Even though you may have made poor choices in the past, it allowed you to learn and make better choices now and own your journey as you grow.
Not making a decision, is a choice, and can make you feel stuck.
When you start taking responsibility for all your choices, you will see that you start making better choices!
Some people are keeping themselves stuck in a reality they are not happy with not realizing they are doing it…
Comparing yourself to others.
Procrastinating and missing out on opportunities
Not making a decision and staying on the fence and in conflict
Staying in a routine or pattern that doesn’t serve your vision of your highest self
Worrying about a decision you made or have to make without asking for help
Ignoring your gut feeling and intuition
Allowing your fear of failure to keep you from making progress
These are excuses! Look for your own excuses. What are they? Own them!
#nowisyourchance Take Responsibility
Make a list of the biggest 3 excuses you are making for yourself right now.
Then consider what choice you could make instead to allow yourself to take a step in the right direction.
Too busy? Plan your week. Scheduling your week will help you not feel so overwhelmed - use Google calendar to share with the family or others that may need to know.
“I am grateful to be creating my life consciously based on the choices I make”
When you become consciously aware of the areas you can carve your own way, the actions become clear.
Mantra of Responsibility
“As I step up and claim responsibility for myself and my life I am able to move forward with power and ease.”
Excuses - I hear them all the time from others - But I also have them myself. I often say I don’t have time - but remember to plan; or right now my biggest excuse is that I just deserve something to eat because - instead of focusing more on fueling my body. What about you? Claim your excuses and change your life
Day 13 - Kick Ass Confidence
Stop comparing your insides to someone else’s outside!
Self Esteem - John Maxwell - If you desire is a 10 but your self-esteem is a 5 you will never perform at the level of a 10 - but at the level of 5 or lower. People never before more than their self-image.
Self Advocacy is belief in your own ability to influence and control the events that affect your life and how they are experienced. We all have it and can all can strengthen it through practice.
Self Doubt gives you an opening for reflection, but it may also trick you into thinking you need to be something other than yourself.
The fact is the difference between where you are now and where you want to be comes down to one of 2 things: a skills gap or a mindset gap.
What you need to get better at is you!
Use comparison and competition to fuel you, not diminish you.
Niyc Notes: Social Media - Is it doing you more harm than good? Try a social media detox.
Quite often those around you will not understand what you do or why you do it.
News flash - they don’t need to!
When you put yourself down or practice self depreciation you are likely lowering your self confidence too. Negative thinking will take you down FASTER than anything else! It’s so important to work on improving your self talk and keep it positive!
Affirmation for Confidence
“I am grounded, peaceful, and content and I accept myself fully. I am always more than good enough!”
One life to feel and be our best!
Self mastery starts but never ends!
Challenged with new experiences and interactions.
If we don’t work on ourselves we get left behind.
5 Methods to build Self-Esteem
Reflect on times you felt confident, accomplished and proud
Let go of social comparison. Affirmation “Everyday in every way I am getting better and better at _____”
Identify your cheerleaders.
Practice Self Care.
Get out of your comfort zone!
When you stretch yourself you build your confidence!
Choose an item from above and put it into practice today!
Confidence can be learned! This is an amazing day lesson. I think with confidence we can change our lives in more ways than can be imagined currently.
Day 14 - Geek is Chic
Learning something new is a great way to increase are engagement - when we increase our engagement we flourish.
Learning is not just about textbooks and exams. Learning may be taking a course or learning a new skill. Similarly it might be a conversation, an appreciation, a feeling or a nuance you pick up on.
People who continue to learn throughout their lives have been known to live longer and get better jobs. They are also healthier and less stressed.
When we do the work on ourselves - we create a ripple effect and a bigger shift.
Each time you learn something you expand into a higher version of yourself.
Ask questions! Ask questions of the girl/boy at the checkout? Strangers you are in line with. You never know what you might learn.
#nowisyourchance - Ask more questions - Explore more - Learn about our world, yourself and other people.
Where can you learn from today? New book, new podcast?
Who can you learn from today? Grandparents, a child or role models?
What questions you can ask? Open questions to get incitiful answers.
#nowisyourchance - Innocent Awareness
Bring your younger, more curious self to each day to help you learn something new.